i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
