It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
