and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
