remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
