also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
