I want to have your abortion
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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