Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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