apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
