Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize