No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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