I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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