Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
