ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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