I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
