just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
