Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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