he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
