So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
