And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
