on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
