its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She's not a foreskin expert like you
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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