Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
