Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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