BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
