I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
