never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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