if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
