so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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