Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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