So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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