taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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