Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
That accounts for only three of the penises
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
