VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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