Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
