There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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