woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You need Xanax blowdarts
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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