Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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