the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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