Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
