first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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