It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
