I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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