is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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