Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
