It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
