Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
