I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
