Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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