Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
