i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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