Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
